your parents love me but you hate me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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