if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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