$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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