On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's Friday. Sex?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize