she looked like the before picture.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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