look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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