Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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