she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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