"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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