Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize