Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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