if you like me you must not know who I am
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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