what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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