i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize