You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize