I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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