Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4

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  (973): ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4 http://tfl.nu/vujr
  Replies (8) Good night (1086) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"

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  (423): my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead" http://tfl.nu/865j
  Replies (2) Good night (640) Bad night (1626) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous

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  (630): Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me (1-630): It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous http://tfl.nu/qwdq
  Replies (9) Good night (569) Bad night (2323)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.

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  (503): I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me. http://tfl.nu/a7z0
  Replies (31) Good night (2744) Bad night (1370) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
  Replies (19) Good night (6263) Bad night (1055)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.

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  (781): I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house. http://tfl.nu/8emi
  Replies (13) Good night (5552) Bad night (1248)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.

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  (919): He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say. http://tfl.nu/o436
  Replies (8) Good night (814) Bad night (2287) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.

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  (860): We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun. http://tfl.nu/8k8b
  Replies (20) Good night (1951) Bad night (2562) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....

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  (317): my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys.... http://tfl.nu/ljba
  Replies (6) Good night (2871) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on

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  (215): just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on http://tfl.nu/p7yb
  Replies (1) Good night (1033) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.

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  (845): He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up. http://tfl.nu/zpkp
  Replies (3) Good night (2509) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?

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  (732): why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos? http://tfl.nu/di91
  Replies (14) Good night (3567) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.

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  (212): No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often. http://tfl.nu/bjtx
  Replies (2) Good night (1486) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

  (315): View more from New York

  Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.

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  (607): I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! (315): Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch. http://tfl.nu/yk91
  Replies (16) Good night (4072) Bad night (618)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.

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  (917): I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting. http://tfl.nu/4lzp
  Replies (7) Good night (1215) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt

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