Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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