There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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