Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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