I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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