You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize