I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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