my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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