there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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