I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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