Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize