not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize