the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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