wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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