I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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