currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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