I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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