I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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