Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
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She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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