Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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