Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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