JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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