Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
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