i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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