I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize