omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please, let me fuck your mom
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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