If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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