$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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