He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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