New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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