Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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