You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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