life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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