Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
ok first of all what the fuck
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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